So, my sweet sister-in-law, Shea posted a few days or so ago about a blog she has been reading, Bring the Rain
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/ . It truly is an amazing testimony that will bless your heart, whatever you are going through will most likely begin to feel very small and if you are as lucky as I was today, you will experience a renewed, intense thirst to know our amazing Maker even more intimately than you know Him right now. I cried, dried my tears, read the next page, cried some more and so my day went on. Every chance I got I sat back down and continued learning of the Smith's families journey of tears, laughter (from their 3 precious, healthy girls) and love that only the Lord of Lords can provide. What an amazing peace Angie has been given by God's love for her and even more so by her understanding of his love for her. Praise God for her! I am so thankful and was truly blessed by her sharing. Please, grab a cup of coffee and prepare to settle in when you click on her link. May I suggest starting at the beginning, get as far as you can and pick it back up like a book until you are caught up?
My heart is aching tonight for my husband and the loneliness I am feeling now that he has begun a new journey with a new job. I knew deep down that this was going to be a challenge for our little family, but had no idea it would only be a few days in and I would be so ready for him to have mastered his position. I know, I have never really had patience as a strong suit, and I believe with our little one I miss him even more because I know that his long hours keep him away from his daughter and she just lights up when she sees or hears her daddy. I was told a long time ago that I needed to resign to the fact that my girl(s) would be Daddy's girl(s), but had no idea that it would happen so soon. It makes my heart smile just thinking of the way her face shines for him. I hope that I can shine for Christ in the same manner one day. I pray that through this whole experience that I will lean on Christ more each day and that I will shine for my maker, the King of Kings.
I believe that Audrey's blog has brought on all of this emotion, and I apologize for being so mushy, but I can't seem to help it right now. I feel very guilty for having a healthy, happy baby girl while Angie, Nicol and Sara (all explained in the blog I mentioned) have already seen their babies leave this Earth to be settled in Heaven with their Maker. Nicol's little boy, Luke, was born only 4 days after our little one. I will never understand why the Lord allowed me to keep my baby for so long (and I hope forever) but I am eternally grateful for the opportunity he has given me to be this child's mother. She is so amazing and such a wonderful little package that I get to dig a little deeper into each day. Every day I discover more of who she is and what makes her laugh and cry. Tonight she kept waking up for some reason, but for the first time since she was placed in my care, I rocked her. Not like I usually do, for just a couple of minutes, I mean I took her out of her crib, rocked her, laughed with her, listened and mimicked her coos and just really enjoyed the fact that she was not tired and it was past her bedtime. I am thankful that I was able to just look at her and enjoy her non-fussy state. Usually my rocking is very short-lived and usually is combined with reading her a book. Thank you Angie for that moment. I know you may not understand how you helped, but trust me, you did! We try so hard to pour out our love on our daughter, but I am so regimented that tonight was completely breaking the rules by playing with her instead of focusing on not stimulating her and getting her back to sleep. :)
My heart is also going out to Lynn tonight. I thought so many times today about your strength in Christ when your miscarriages came and went and now that baby Andi is here and she is absolutely perfect, I know that the Lord never gives us more than we can handle and you handled both of your babies journeys with a God-breathed grace. You are such a beautiful person. I hope that you know that!
My family and friends in Texas are about to experience Ike and I ask that if you hear the news or think of the hurricane that you pray for safety and wisdom for all of the residents. My parents were boarding up their home today and were unsure where they were going, if they are going. My grandparents are also undecided. Please pray for them and ALL the rest of my friends, family and residents of the great state of Texas. Thank you in advance for your faithfulness to prayer.
Thank you to all of my family and friends that have encouraged me this week, the week of change. My love goes out to all of you! I appreciate you all so much.